Most Effective Stop to a Party
by traciezhu2001
Summary: They try to keep Hermione away from the party, try to keep her from drinking, all in vain- because just to prove them wrong, Hermione Jean Granger will take ten shots without getting drunk if someone was a holding a gun to her head telling her not to. (Previously Drunk, Untrustworthy Hermione) R&R! 3


**A/N: I know this is 12:30AM in China, and I'm typing this sideways on my laptop, but I NEED TO WRITE IT BEFORE THE IDEA DISAPPEARS!**

**It's probably not too good, judging by the time... but, as the song I'm listening to is singing, I DO AS I DANG WELL PLEASE.**

**It's quite an awesome song.**

**Anyways...**

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE. Except for the plot.**

Harry, Ron and practically everyone else was skirting around her, Hermione had discovered. It started about a week ago, when Fred and George had caught Harry and Ron inside the boys' dorm and quiet murmuring had began, occasionally pierced by sharp gasps or snickers. No, Hermione had _not _been eavesdropping. It was just, the walls were so flimsy, how could anyone expect them not to be so loud and get off scot-free? Hermione had caught something, she knew it, but what was it? And what portion of it made the boys all so skittish around her?

After around the thirty-seventh time (not like she was counting) Seamus or Dean or Ron or Harry or _just any boy in Gryffindor_ had quickly made up some excuse out of the blue and rushed off and away from her and whatever she had proposed, Hermione had had enough. Part of it was her curiosity, but another part was because she was getting tired of being alone and alright, maybe she was starting to feel a bit left out and undesirable; but whatever the reason, she, Hermione Jean Granger, was getting to the bottom of this madness.

Finally, she managed to corner Neville, who was in her opinion, the weakest of them all, in Professor Lupin's empty classroom.

**A/N: I love how you can tell when it is by just saying who the DADA teacher is- makes it so much easier! It's like J.K Rowling just _knew _people were going to use her story for fanfiction!**

"Neville Longbottom!" she began, using that stern voice that she had heard his grandmother use in a Howler in their, what, first year? Only not quite so loud. Hermione was happy to see Neville cowering against the covered water tank, face pale with fear. Hermione felt slight remorse for taking advantage of Neville like that when she was normally so nice to him, but if she didn't Hermione was sure she would be driven to the brink of insanity and beyond.

"Neville, tell me this instant, why are all the guys avoiding me?" Hermione demanded, poking the poor bloke with the tip of her wand. Neville swallowed.

"Er, oh, have the guys been avoiding you?" he said in a high-pitched voice. "Why, that's just downright mean of them! Let's go talk to them, shall we?"

"Longbottom," Oh, she could practically _hear_ his flinch when she used his last name. "Don't you use that teacher voice with me! Answer my question!"

"I d-don't know, H-Hermione! P-please!"

"Oh, cut it out, Neville. I'm not bloody _Voldemort_, don't act like I'm going to kill you."

"Uh, okay... Say, Hermione, the w-weather looks nice outside. S-shall we take a w-walk by the lake?"

Neville didn't lie- the weather was honestly amazing. The sky was blue, the clouds were puffy, and the lake was positively sparkling.

"Sure!" Hermione said brightly. "Good way to spend a Saturday afternoon while you _tell me why the boys are avoiding me_! Let's go!"

Neville could see there was no way out of this one- Hermione just could not be stopped. His feeling of defeat must have showed on his face because Hermione repeated, "Come on!", linked her arms through hers, and practically skipped out the door, dragging Neville behind her.

Once outside, they bumped into Draco. The blonde-haired Slytherin opened his mouth, probably to utter some cutting insult about her blood status and/or the company she kept. Then he suddenly seemed to remember something, closed his mouth, and scurried off, glaring at Hermione.

"Ferret!" she called, just to annoy him, then frowned.

"Merlin!" she exclaimed in frustration. "What exactly is it that Fred and George can trust bloody _Malfoy_ with, that they can't tell _me_? Honestly!"

And she stormed off, forgetting (a very thankful) Neville and her walk along the lake.

**~o0O0o~**

After searching for some time, Hermione finally found the Weasley twins hunched over a pie. Apparently, they were trying to make the eater grow a long beard, but so far they hadn't much success. However, George sported a very curly moustache, and Fred had a dashing pair of sideburns. Hermione would have laughed, if not for the dire situation at hand.

"You twins!" she said angrily, stifling a grin. "I honestly cannot bloody believe you!"

George looked up from his tinkering, deeply grave.

"Well, I must say, Granger," he said, with a teasing glint in his eye. "What is so important that it made pure little Hermione Granger actually say 'bloody'?"

Hermione blushed, as she had been trying to get into the habit and it sounded rather nice whenever anybody said it. Breathing deeply, she allowed herself a moment to calm down and get back to the matter at hand.

Still a bit red-faced, she continued-

"Eight days, two hours, and sixteen minutes ago," she began, ignoring Fred's mock-bored eyeroll. "George and Fred Weasley spoke to practically 97 percent of the male population in the Gryffindor dorm. It was such an earth-shaking, glass-shattering, _Hermione-avoiding _subject that most all of that 97 percent- including my best friends, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter- began to actually do the latter."

At that, George and Fred began whispering to each other. Hermione waited, hoping it was something productive like an apology and maybe a call-off from the Granger Avoidance, but her hopes were severely dashed.

"Er, 'Mione, what does 'latter' mean?"

"Eurgh! It means that ALL of the boys began to ignore me!"

"But, Granger, that doesn't make sense!"

"How so, idiot dolt?"

"You just said that, and I quote, 'It was such an earth-shaking, glass-shattering, Hermione-avoiding subject that most all of that 97 percent- including my best friends, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter- began to actually do the IT MEANS THAT ALL THE BOYS BEGAN TO IGNORE ME!'" said Fred triumphantly. Hermione just shook her head, confused.

"You know what, judging by that cheeky grin Mister Moustache has on right now, I think I'll just cut to the chase." Hermione said pointedly.

"Alright, Granger, wotsamatter?"

"What is it that you told all the Gryffindor boys AND Malfoy that _I _can't be trusted with? I believe that's why you told everyone to avoid me?"

George and Fred decided to stop joking around, much to Hermione's relief, and looked at each other.

"Actually," Fred cut in, "We also told all the girls except for you and Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Cho Chang, Padma Patil-"

"Honestly, is there any one you _haven't _invited?"

"You." The twins said simultaneously. "Oh, and Moaning Myrtle. You know, from the girls' bathrooms?" Fred added. George smirked.

"Oh, wonderful! Yes, I'll just play with my dollies with Myrtle, while you and the rest of the big kids go do-"

Hermione stopped, marveling at Fred and George's efficiency in making her forget her real goal, even if it wasn't too far off the mark. Howeve,r she too had a trick up her sleeve- perfect for countering, especially when it came to men.

"Pwease will you just tell me?"

Ah, yes. The puppy dog pout. Infamous for it's irresistibility on any who looked upon it, Dark Lord excepted. However, even then there were rumours.

On Hermione, with her bushy hair and big brown eyes (widened for effect, of course), the effect was instantaneous. George and Fred were offering to spill their guts like nobody's business, in under ten seconds. It was a new record for Hermione, although she had to say- it wasn't exactly going as planned.

"Oh, please, stop!" George choked out, rolling on the floor chuckling madly.

"'Mione, if you would wipe that ridiculous expression off your face, I'll tell you everything I know about this event! I swear to Godric!" Fred said, clutching onto the arm of a couch for support.

Five minutes later, Hermione was filled to the brim with knowledge about the party and stuffing her wand back up her sleeve. After the twins had told her what they knew, Hermione had ceased the puppy dog pout. However, she had been offended by their reaction, so she hexed the two of them- Bat Bogey for George, and Jelly Legs for Fred. The couch arm was in higher demand, now. Satisfied, Hermione headed down for dinner.

As soon as she sat down, Seamus, Dean, Ron and Harry all decided they felt a bit constipated and tried to leave. Hermione just shot them dazzling smiles and told them that Fred and George had already spilled it all, and there was no need to hide- she knew about the party. They all visibly relaxed.

"Phew!" Ron said. "Blimey, 'Mione, you don't know _how _hard it was keeping that from you! Being my best mate and all, but still!"

That earned him a punch to the jaw, but Hermione good-naturedly helped him up.

"I still don't understand, though." the Golden Girl said. "Why didn't anyone want to tell me? Was it because I study too much? Because I can have as much fun as the next person."

This made Dean and Seamus glance at each other apprehensively.

"What?" Hermione demanded. It was starting again, and this time, she was ready to throttle someone.

**A/N I'm sorry guys, it's 1:45AM and I am really tired. It was supposed to be a super long one-shot, but I'll just post this one chapter and do the other tomorrow- I mean, later today. Maybe add them together sometime- IDK. Morning! And.. night... XD LOL**

**M'Back！I actually typed this right after I posted the first chapter, but really, I just felt the need to do this. I am still very sleepy, though... and now it looks weird because I added 'Chapter Two' in. ^U^**

With Hermione looking as angry as a Hippogriff that had been insulted, Dean and Seamus quickly got up, scraped the rest of their meal into their mouths, and took off. Ron mumbled something about Madam Pomfrey, his wounded cheek, and 'good luck' to Harry, then left as well. That left a fuming Hermione and a placating Harry to sort things out, which was always good.

"Listen 'Mione, it's not that anyone's got anything against you. You know we all admire you, right?" Harry began. Hermione stiffly nodded.

"Well, you may be talented at every study that has every existed, but partying... not so much. Fred and George were hosting a party to try and achieve Hogwarts Party of the Year, and the only reason you weren't invited was because... well, because..."

"Oh, spit it out, Harry!" Hermione laughed. "What is it?"

"Well, I think everyone except for you remembers what happened _last time _you went to a party with alcohol."

"No, Harry, I don't remember. Wonderful, another distinguishing feature!"

"Oh, it's fine, Hermione. Nobody would've remembered in your state, either."

"Wow... I was that drunk?"

"You better believe it."

"Oh, Merlin... Was I embarrassing, Harry?"

Hermione looked extremely abashed, Harry observed, and not quite so angry, so he thought it was safe to tell her the truth now.

"Er, Hermione, it depends on what you call embarrassing. For example, how would professing your love to a certain Slytherin rank?"

"Crikey... Please tell me it wasn't-"

"Draco."

Hermione groaned and stormed off, clutching her head. Harry stared after her, slowly chewing on his pie, and said softly,

"That went well."

"You know, I rather enjoyed that little revelation," Draco said, smirking into Harry's ear. Then he ghosted away, leaving Harry to stare blankly after him.

**~o0O0o~**

The day of the party, which took place in the Great Hall (as Dumbledore had heartily given permission- although Professor McGonagall had not), Hermione decided she was going to reset her reputation as a party girl. Gone would be the girl who got tipsy at the faintest _smell_ of alchohol, and in came the girl who could take ten shots and ask for more in a calm, normal voice. Yes, that was it- Hermione decided.

"I swear by Godric and Merlin's beard that I, Hermione Jean Granger, _will _manage to drink ten alcoholic drinks of regular size." Hermione was brave, but not reckless. Giving herself a determined look in the mirror, a _thump_ tore her attention to the threshold of the Gryffindor dorm. Neville, who had came in just when Hermione was completing her oath, had fainted dead on the floor. Hermione wanted to go help him, but she had to get ready for the party. So she left him for some other Gryffindor to find. While she was getting ready, applying makeup and fixing her hair and stuff like that, Ron (tried) to come in, but instead he tripped over Neville's legs and knocked himself unconscious. This kept happening until little Colin Creevey came skipping up with the intention of convincing Fred and George that he was in fact mature enough, and stopped when a rather sizable pile of Gryffindor boys appeared to be blocking the way. Convinced that this was the work of Sirius Black, Colin screamed loudly and pretended to be dead beside Neville in the hopes that Black wouldn't get him.

It was quite a sight that greeted Hermione as she stepped out of the girls' dorm, wearing shorts and a tank top. However, she simply _Wingardium Leviosa_'d them over to a couch, ordered some pumpkin juice for them from the elves, and sauntered out the door.

The party was already in full swing once Hermione got there, however this was expected as the girl had studied and studied until she knew _exactly _how late 'fashionably late' was. It was all part of her new image as Hermione the Party Girl.

The Weird Sisters were playing, and everyone was pairing up for a dance. Hermione had already had, what, three drinks? And she felt fine. Just a bit dizzy. As she made her way towards the 'dance floor' that was previously the dining tables where the four houses had eaten, her feet seemed to make it their purpose to bump Hermione into _every bloody person in her way_. When she finally reached Ron, she took a deep breath and said casually,_  
_

"How's the party going?"

Ron seemed surprised at how clear-headed she appeared, since he had been the one supervising her drinks. It was payback from Harry for making him break it to Hermione.

"Fine, er, may I ask, how are you doing?"

Hermione looked at him incredulously.

"Ron, I am positively _elated_!" she said cheerily.

"That's good, 'Mione, but I meant how are you doing with the drinks? Any visits to the toilets?"

"What do you mean, Ron? I'm fine! Just a tad bit dizzy... Oh, is that Harry and Ginny slow dancing over there?"

Ron's eyes widened comically, then shrunk back to normal size.

"Wow, you must be really drunk if you saw that... blimey, my best mate and my little sister! Oh, the things you come up with!" Ron laughed, slapping his knee.

"But it's true, Ron!" Hermione urged. She could barely see the mop of red hair on Harry's shoulder, but she knew it was them. Drink may have placed a veil over her eyes, but it couldn't deceive the truth. Hermione giggled at the notion of alchohol placing a veil over her head, and puckered her lips as she imagined herself getting married to Drink. However, Ron didn't notice. He was too busy laughing. Since Ron didn't seem to hear her, Hermione grumbled, she would go all the way.

"_Sonorus_," she whispered, pointing her wand at herself.

"I SAID, RON," She bellowed, the noise amplified even more by her charm, "I THINK THAT'S YOUR SISTER OVER THERE DANCING WITH HARRY!"

The whole room froze, even the Weird Sisters. Professor Flitwick tottered over to give her extra credit for the amazing use of her charm. Ron instantly caught Ginny's fiery locks, zoomed over, and started lecturing Harry. Everyone else stared at Hermione. Hermione stole four more drinks and gulped them down. But now everyone was looking at her, and it was quite intimidating since the majority were standing on the table. Hermione's neck ached from glaring up at them, so she looked away defiantly (and drunkenly).

"Wotch'all lookin' at?" she slurred defensively, then toppled over, snoring.

Dumbledore watched amusedly from where he was sitting at the teachers' table, with Fred and George sitting on either side of him. They were fuming.

"It was all going so well!" Fred complained, looking at the grandfather clock at the back of the room. "We only had about ten minutes left before we broke the record!"

George fully agreed with his twin.

"Why'd Hermione have to go and yell that out?"

"Why'd she have to _drink_ so much?"

"Boys, boys," Dumbledore said, "I believe the question is, why'd everyone have to go and pay so much attention to her?"

Then the Headmaster got up and started walking towards the center of the party. Fred and George stared at each other.

"Genius."

"Off his rocker."

"Absolutely mad!"

"Ladies and gentlemen," Dumbledore began, "This party was originally started by Fred and George Weasley, in the hopes of achieveing Party of the Year. They were extremely close, lacking only about ten more minutes before exceeding the time left by Slytherin's Hallowe'en party. However, in commendment of the Weasley boys' valiant effort, I give to you Hermione Granger, who wins the award 'Most Effective Stop to a Party!"

Feeling someone push past him, Ron saw Hermione, and muttered,

"When'd _you_ wake up?"

Hermione gave him a jaunty wink, and said,

"I never slept."

Then she walked up to Dumbledore, and took a deep bow.

The Hall burst into cheers.

"Thanks, Pr- Headmaster!" Hermione said, climbing up onto the Ravenclaw table.

"And now, in honor of this situation," she continued, lifting up two cups of cocktail, "Here's to me!"

She downed the two, then took a random glass from someone in the crowd and downed that, too. Then she fell onto the people below her and felt herself get carried around. Then she passed out.

Well, at least no one was angry at her anymore.


End file.
